Enter Fingers Into Dough

Burnett: I hope folks will not be getting wet now the rains have come.
Mrs. Primsunday: Oh, they shoulder so many crosses on their picnics.
Burnett: I blame the English weather. Its slow at coming forward in deciding what its doing.
Mrs. Primsunday: It doesn't rise with regularity as cakes do.
Cook Haste: How's that pastry coming along?
Mrs. Primsunday: Have patience Hattie Haste. All good cakes are cooked with time.
Burnett: And eaten not regarding it.
Hattie: Better mind the indigestion then.
Mrs. Primsunday: Was that it then?
Burnett: No, its the car returning, roaring up the drive.
Mrs. Primsunday: Well, we'd better get these cakes cooked then.
Hattie: I just said!
Burnett: Now you know they've arrived I'd better announce them.
Mrs. Primsunday: Well announce them to themselves please do. Folk are liable to forget who they
are during heady drives.
Burnett: As you will, you are my superior after all.
Mrs. Primsunday: Well, only so far as they prefer the cakes I bake over the wine you pour.
Hattie: Perhaps we should find a way of putting the wine inside the cakes then we'd all be more
appreciated all round.
Burnett: Oh, I wouldn't be used enough to that. I find it my duty to be largely ignored.
  

Enter Rainclouds

Lady Mishap: Anyone for cucumber sandwiches before the rain sets in?
Lord Romper (The Romper): I don't mind if I do. I'll take two.
Darling Bell: I'll have a sarnie!
Lady Mishap: I'm afraid we're all out of them. We just experienced a sudden rush.
Darling Bell: Oh, that's a shame. Cucumber is my favorite fruit.
Lady Mishap: We have tomato sandwiches. Tomato's a fruit.
Lord Slimly: I fancy a vegetable; have you an apple.
Lady Mishap: I don't think we've got one large enough to stop up your mouth.
Lord Slimly: Oh, you're cruel...and I love it.
Lord Romper (The Romper): See, I told you.
Lady Mishap: Oh, hush, we just love to hate each other.
Lady Slush: I can feel a few drip drops.
Harmony of Hinterburne: We'd better get back undercover.
Lord Romper (The Romper): If only you could cover up what's lovely obvious.
Lady Mishap: I need no tarpaulin when there's nothing there.

Picnic At Puffball Lane

Lady Mishap: Lovely place this, Roger, for a picnic.
Lord Romper (The Romper): I made it myself.
Lady Mishap: You mean you discovered it more like.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Yes, I'm always uncovering things begging to be discovered.
Darling Bell: Steer clear of all the toadstools. They're frightfuly poisonous you know.
Lady Slush: I'm sure that more than one of them are mushrooms, but I know what you mean.
Lord Slimly: Its perfectly beastly that they've given out rain for later. You'd have thought with
modern technology we'd have controled the weather by now.
Harmony of Hinterburne: I swear by my barometer of a morning.
Darling Bell: By that she means what it tells her makes her curse.
Lady Slush: Well, lets eat up then if the clouds are coming to ruin our fun.
Lord Slimly: Its always fun to beat the weather, even tho it does give one indigestion doing so.

Along Flirtatious Lane

Lady Mishap: Its a rip-roaring car this Roger.
Lord Romper(The Romper): Why, thank you.
Lady Mishap: You four alright squeezed together in the back?
Darling Bell: Having a whale of a time trying to retain our snoods at the speed we're romping
along at.
Lady Mishap: Well, good to know you're occupied. Now, Samuel, don't go flirting with the three
lovely ladies behind my back will you.
Lord Slimly: I'd find it difficult being perfectly jammed in here.
Lady Mishap: We'll have to rename you Hartleys. Just as well you're slim tho.
Lord Slimly: Yes, tho I'm quite paying for the woman's curves I so covet right now.
Harmony of Hinterburne: I'll have you know I'm a regular regular where I come from.
Lady Slush: And I suffer in comparrison against your emaciated aspect Lord Slimly.
Lord Slimly: Well, just as well I am skeletal or this door would come clean off.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Hand tight! Here comes a bend!
Lady Mishap: Oh, how kind of you for the warning.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Not really, I'm really warning I like to take bends fast.
Lady Mishap: Weeeeeeeeeh.
Darling Bell: Yee-ah.
Lady Slush: Aah.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Uh?
Lord Slimly: Ugh.
Lady Mishap: Hah, looks like Slimly's got even slimmer.
Lord Romper (The Romper): You say bad things about him so much it makes me think you're
in love with him.    

Enter An Unfortunate Roaring Noise

Darling Bell: Oh look, its Lord Romper in his Rolls.
Lady Slush: It makes him quite dashing doesn't it.
Harmony of Hinterburne: I only date men in  Mercedes Benz's these days.
Lord Slimly: Wonder what Romper's up here for anyway. There's no dinner in the offing.
Darling Bell: He seems to be talking to Hydrangea Primsunday. I'm sure she'll see him
right with a few cakes.
Lord Slimly: Yes, it can be quite fattening encountering the old cook.
Lady Slush: Oh, she's only as old as she is distinguished.
Harmony of Hinterburne: And not so crumbly as her pasteries.
Lord Slimly: Pasteries? You make them sound so exotic.
Harmony of Hinterburne: They do always arrive as if they've been shipped from somewhere exoitc.
Lord Slimly: A little worse for wear, I know.
Lady Slush: Come along. The Romper's ushering us to come and have a ride in his rolls.
Darling Bell: Yes, fetch your driving snoods. It is a hoodless convertable you know.
Lord Slimly: Well, I suppose a ride in the rolls beats eating Mrs Primsunday's dry rolls waiting for
us here.
Harmony of Hinterburne: How on earthe has he turned his Rolls into a convertible? And, secondly,
is it the done thing?



    

Enter Butler Burnett

Butler Burnett: Mrs Primsunday Maam.
Lady Mishap: I know. We just met.
Butler Burnett: Shall your Ladyship be not requiring me for anything else.
Lady Mishap: Unless you're to tell me its night fall after I've lit my lantern, no that would be all.
Butler Burnett: As you wish.
Mrs Primsunday: What a lovely man. So straightforward.
Lady Mishap: Though strangely never forward. I am sure he collects in antique dust.
Mrs Primsunday: Like a goodly great grandfather clock I'm sure.
Lady Mishap: Yes, one that tells the time of another age.
Mrs Primsunday: Oh, the sun always sets happier on the past. We all would like its illumination
upon the present.
Lady Mishap: Up-to-dateness should be the present of the present. I'm thinking of jazzing this
place up.
Mrs Primsunday: What, into the jazz era?
Lady Mishap: If I get it kicking and screaming from the old Victorian age, that'll be a start. Yes,
you can send word out via the gossip-helpline that there will be Charleston on the lawns come
afternoon tea tomorrow. All ladies may bring their attentive gentlemen and all unattended
gentlemen may follow their unattended ladies. Its sure to be a right romp.
Mrs Primsunday: Won't it be a mishap? I'm sure they gave out rain.
Lady Mishap: Cobblers. The only thing weather forecasters forecast are their wrong forecasts.
Mrs Primsunday: What you will. I'll whisper a few invites then.
Lady Mishap: I'm sure you'll stir up a storm in an English teacup's interest by the speed your lips
move.
Mrs Primsunday: They don't move as quick as my baking fingers tho.
Lady Mishap: Quite right. That reminds me. Bring cakes and refreshments with you. I'll settle
with you later. You will be coming I gather.
Mrs Primsunday: Well, I can't have the Charlestoning couples empty bellied can I?
Lady Mishap: Quite right, they'll be working up quite an appetite and not just for loving.
Mrs Primsunday: Yes, quite.
Lady Mishap: Right, weather arranged. Food arranged. Now for the difficult thing. The music.
Mrs Primsunday: Sweet Lady is always a modern classic to start with.
Lady Mishap: Yes, you're right. And then Seaside Rendezvous.
Mrs Primsunday: Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon?
Lady Mishap: And then Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy!
Mrs Primsunday: I'd finish with the Dreamer's Ball.
Lady Mishap: Not til after we've had The Millionaire Waltz.
Mrs Primsunday: Oh, You Take My Breath Away.
Lady Mishap: Yes, we'll have that too.
Mrs Primsunday: Fine, all's settled then.
Lady Mishap: Now, off then and bring me my guests.......Oh, its a hard life arranging all these things.
   
 

Act One Scene Two

Outside the great house, Mrs. Primsunday arrives to enquire about Sunday tea.
Mrs. Primsunday: Hollar! Hello! I know its not the done thing to shout. So many
apologies if anyone's around.
Lady Mishap: Pray, what's the racket? The Calm's quite disturbed.
Mrs. Primsunday: Not as disturbed as I will be if I don't get my cakes in order.
Lady Mishap: In order?
Mrs. Primsunday: The order for the cakes for Sunday tea, after church and the
meeting of the New Victorians, the main event you know.
Lady Mishap: The eating of cakes is always the major concern, you're quite correct.
Mrs. Primsunday: I knew I was right, I almost always am.
Lady Mishap: Almost?
Mrs. Primsunday: Well, always. I was pretending to be modest.
Lady Mishap: Oh, never pretend. In the end you might have to act out your real personality.

Re-enter Harmony of Hinterburne linking arms with Miss Tissy

Harmony of Hinterburne: Look who I've found just out there listening in on our conversations.
Miss Tissy: Oh, you know I'm such a fan.
Lord Slimly: I can quite understand we're too irresistable not to evesdrop upon.
Lady Mishap: It seems inelegant tho, not to achieve an instant introduction.
Lady Slush: Well, now we'll give her her induction now. What's your view of marriage, Miss. Tissy,
pray tell.
Miss Tissy; I fear its quite beyond my reach, being endowed with the powers of beauty as I have.
Darling Bell: Yes, they do look like they require new batteries.
Miss Tissy: If only I was empowered in thge first place. I have the impression I was painted by an
expressionist when it comes to my looks.
Lady Mishap: You'll express your impression in personality then.
Miss Tissy: Yes. I have to. I have a lot of practice.

Enter Lady Slush

Lady Slush: Did I hear my name?
Lord Slimly; Its heard all over, you're quite describable.
Lady Slush: I like to think I'm not that defined.
Lady Mishap: We always want some mystery don't we.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Only not being so mysterious to be permanently manless.
Darling Bell: We were just talking about plans romantically.
Lord Slimly: Oh, I do hope I was involved in them.
Lady Mishap: Well you are the only man we're seeing at present.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Even so, you're name didn't come up.
Lord Slimly: Oh, now I'm feeling quite let down.
Lady Slush: I'm always at your beck and call as your etiquette pupil.
Lord Slimly: Oh, how you humor me. You're a dear.
Lady Slush: Well, being uncommonly common I have a lot to learn.
Darling Bell: You called her dear. You're not dear yourself, as in you're charging, are you?
Lord Slimly: You know a man should never talk about money unless he's asking for it.
Lady Slush: I protest, Lord Slimly is quite free with his decorum do's and don'ts.
Lord Slimly: Yes, especially when I'm gaining favors for it.
Lady Mishap: I can imagine you're quite impossible.
Lord Slimly: To work out, yes.
(Harmony of Hinterburne passes out...not in the fainting sense, she perambulates out of boredom) 

Enter Lord Slimly

Lord Slimly: Hallo hotties! That isn't sexist is it?
Lady Mishap: I'm not sure. I'll pretend not to like it just to be on the safe side.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Where've you been all day anyway?
Lord Slimly: Oh, learning the art of croquet with Lady Slush.
Darling Bell: You look quite flushed like you've been enjoying.
Lord Slimly: Its just all the over excercise for sure. Those hoops are a deal of an effort to get around.  

Enter Harmony of Hinterburne

Harmony of Hinterburne: Still single?
Darling Bell: Well, of course, we'll have to form a club.
Lady Mishap: Any eligible gentlemen is going to have his work cut out with us three closing in on him.
Harmony of Hinterburne; I am willing to share.
Darling Bell: I'll have the love
Lady Mishap: I'll have the outings
Harmony of Hinterburne: And I'll spend his money

Act One Scene 1

Lady Mishap: I haven't entirely given up on men, its just they're not at the moment on my wish list.
Darling Bell: Its that you've been burned and you're playing hard to get.
Lady Mishap: Yes, like I'm going to the North Pole.
Darling Bell: Some men are dateable and some are meant for marriage.
Lady Mishap: And some we run away from when in the wedding carriage.
Darling Bell: That only happened to me once!
Lady Mishap: I admired you for it. You quite broke the record for the hundred yards in high heels.
Darling Bell