Enter Further Guests At Lady Mishap's Wedding

Lord Romper (The Romper): I wasn't aware that you were being married today.
Lilli Sissie: I know. I thout I'd give my new little white dress a little outing.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Its very weddingy.
Lilli Sissie: Not as much as Lady Mishap's dress I hope.
Lord Romper (The Romper): I hope not. And I hope Lord Slimly doesn't see
you and run off with you.
Lilli Sissie: Oh, no. I think he's satisfied. I saw him earlier and he looked quite
gay.
Lord Romper (The Romper): No condemned grayness in his gaze?
Lilli Sissie: No, not at all. Why wold he. Marriage is a wonderful thing.
Lord Romper (The Romper): As I'm to find out for myself.
Lilli Sissie: Yes, you are. How will I ever get over missing my chance with you?
Lord Romper (The Romper): Yes, when was that by the way?
Lilli Sissie: It was when you took me in yor car down Willow Brook. We spent
the afternoon picnicking on sandwiches of cucumber.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Ah, yes. We were first disturbed by the hunt and,
secondly, the shooting party.
Lilli Sissie: Its quite surprising what ruins one's peace.
Lord Romper (The Romper): And what then?
Lilli Sissie: We played lawn tennis and you complimented me on my dress. It
was a wispy windy day.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Yes, yes, now I remember.
Lilli Sissie: I'm glad I made SOME impression on you.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Like a daisy does on a springy lawn.
Lilli Sissie: Ah, you say such lovely things.
Quentulan Queenie: Hallo! Every wedding I can't believe I'm not the one getting
married!
Lilli Sissie: I know. I know.
Quentulan Queenie: Girl hug. Girl hug.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Don't I get an introduction?
Lilli Sissie: Oh, this is Queenie, The Queen. And this is...
Quentulan Queenie: Oh, yes, I remember. He took me down Willow Brook!

Enter Three Of The Wedding Guests

Lord Wilbur-Walled: Capital thing, this wedding business.
Lord James: Not much capital left on completion, I fear.
Lord Harry: Its the price we pay for romanticism I feel.
Lord James: Talk of the ghost.
Lord Harry: You look white as a piece of paper in a snowstorm.
Lord Slimly: Well, I am being the man harried into being married.
Lord Wilbur-Walled: Marriages are made in Heaven. There was a war there once as well.
Lord Slimly: I dout we'll get to the heavenly stage. Lady Hap's far too practical to
encounter that consequence.
Lord Harry: Its good to lower expectations.
Lord James: So as to avoid disappointment?
Lord Harry: No, so that others can feel better about themselves- those adequately married.
Lord Wilbur-Walled: Marriage is only necessary so long as it keeps up the rate for divorce.
Lord Slimly: Of course, divorce is rite out of the question. I'm a one man woman, me..or
should I say a one woman man.
Lord Harry: After you've finished flirting with the whole of the county!
Lord Slimly: Half of those were Darling Bell, two hundred times.
Lord James: I admire you. You know she likes being read Henry James too at bedtime.
Lord Slimly: I know. I've heard its darned difficult. Some sentences last longer than a
page I think.
Lord Harry: It'll test you on catching your breath.
Lord Wilbur-Walled: You won't need any when it comes to not getting a word in edge way.
Lord Slimly: Lady Hap's not like that at all. She protests to finding my conversation quite
the charm.
Lord Harry: Ah, the charm is that the charm wears off.
Lord James: The trick is to get it to shine in the first place. Its the husband's first glory that
the wife compares her disappointment with later.
Lord Slimly: The trick as in the trick's on me then?
Lord Wilbur-Walled: Life or Love's all one trick. We all end up marrying a mirror. Mannerisms,
you know, being so similar between husband and wife.
Lord Slimly: I sometimes fear Lady Hap to be too romantic.
Lord Wilbur-Walled: Oh, romanticism is the search for the self in the eyes of others.
Lord Slimly: Yes, only I being that 'other'. I don't want to disappoint.
Lord Harry: Well, one member of a couple has to.
Lord James: Yo'll be providing her a service.
Lord Slimly: I think she'll prefer a silver service.
Lord Wilbur-Walled: Oh, yo've seen my wedding present have you?      

Enter Two Ladies Easing Gently Into Contemplation

Lady Gently: Sometimes I wonder.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Realy? What do you wonder?
Lady Gently: What do I? I wonder.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Sounds like its too wonderful to say.
Lady Gently: Love is.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Ah., that's unspeakable.
Lady Gently: Yes, unspeakably awful, most the time.
Harmony of Hinterburne: I skirt around love because most the time it isn't that.
Lady Gently: What?
Harmony of Hinterburne: Love.
Lady Gently: My love never loves.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Lord Gently?
Lady Gently: Yes, not so.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Not?
Lady Gently: Gentle.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Splendidly ill-named then.
Lady Gently: Unlike yorself.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Why, thank you.
Lady Gently: What is love?
Harmony of Hinterburne: Reflection in a mirror?
Lady Gently: For those who don't love, yes. Why do we all go for bounders?
Harmony of Hinterburne: I think its because we like to be taken out of bounds.
Lady Gently: We need to place limits.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Limits?
Lady Gently: Upon ourselves.
Harmony of Hinterburne: If we didn't have what we wanted things wold be easier.
Lady Gently: I'm all for easy.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Its easy in a grave tho. We need to displease ourselves.
Lady Gently: Displease?
Harmony of Hinterburne: To give ourselves problems to solve.
Lady Gently: Its our need to place complaint.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Its the raincloud that shows up the rainbow when it comes.
 

Enter Lord Slimly En Route

Butler Burnett: In early today sire?
Lord Slimly: Yes, apparently I'm to make an announcement.
Butler Burnett: Realy? About what, may I ask?
Lord Slimly: Oh, I don't know yet, til Lady Mishap's told me. I'm merely her puppet.
Butler Burnett: Yes, I CAN imagine the strings.
Lord Slimly: Oh, burn it! I need a drink first!
Lady Gently: Drinks are very unbecoming at this time of day.
Lord Slimly: Why? Haven't they matured enough?
Lady Gently: They don't get time to by the look of how yo're pouring them.
Lord Slimly: It goes with the occupation I'm engaged in.
Lady Gently: Ah, yo're announcig the date today aren't you?
Lord Slimly: Is everyone in on this marriage, except me?
Lady Gently: Oh, I don't think the Butler's wise to events as yet.
Lord Slimly: Yes, I'll be filling him in later.
Lady Gently: After yo've filled yorself in with that cognac.
Lord Slimly: What can I say? I feel like a cartoon character that requires coloring in.
Lady Gently: Yo're very brave taking Lady Mishap on so.
Lord Slimly: You talk as if she were a formidable opponent.
Lady Gently: Oh, she would be in the divorce corts, so, if I were you, I'd get it rite at
the first attempt.
Lord Slimly: I'll try to, tho it feels forboding.
Lady Gently: Tho not forbidding. I know you can do it.
Lord Slimly: There are lots of things I CAN do, but I don't do any of those. They wold
be hi-ly innapropriate.
Lady Gently: I'm glad they wold be. Its good to have a husband who sacrifices.
Lord Slimly: Yes, I only hope I'm not the one sacrificed.
Lady Gently: Oh, no it won't come to that. Yo're not good enough for that.
Lord Slimly: Oh. Feel like I need another drink.
Lady Gently: Well, don't drink any more. I mite come to find you irresistable.
Lord Slimly: Because I'd become your ideal man?
Lady Gently: No, you'd become deliciosly disagreeable! 

Enter Darling Bell Seeking Graceful Judgment

Darling Bell: I'm dancing, I'm dancing, what am I?
Harmony of Hinterburne: A dancer?
Darling Bell: No, a gymnast, watch me wheel.
Lady Mishap: Yor in good spirits. I mean, more so.
Darling Bell: More so that I've engaged Lord Romper. I knew I could catch that tiger!
Harmony of Hinterburne: You've snared him? Who with?
Darling Bell: Tilly Gorgeos, she's been pining for him for ages.
Lady Mishap: Realy? What was preventing her?
Darling Bell: She was disposing of Sir Fork. He wouldn't stop proposing to hear her say 'Nay'.
Harmony of Hinterburne: I'm glad that The Romper has ceased to romp. He was, frankly,
putting us all to shame.
Lady Mishap: Have they set a date?
Darling Bell: Yes, September the 23rd.
Lady Mishap: The 23rd?!
Harmony of Hinterburne: What? That wasn't the date you were setting was it?
Lady Mishap: No, but isn't that before Autumn. My Lord said we shold wait til then, only now
it appears The Romper will be romping all over my parade. Getting in first, if you like.
Darling Bell: Or maybe he'll be the warm up act for the main corse.
Lady Mishap: Or maybe I'm engaged to a man who's been dragging his concrete feet.
Harmony of Hinterburne: They always said it wold be a fete to get Slimly to the starting line.
Lady Mishap: The starting line?
Harmony of Hinterburne: Yes, he sees marriage as athletic endeavor.
Lady Mishap: I hope he won't seek desertion over the exertion.
Darling Bell: Dereliction of duty. That's only acceptable by divorce. And you have to be
married for a while for that.
Harmony of Hinterburne: That's deep.
Lady Mishap: Yes, very, and far too sensible for my grievances. Aren't you supposed to be
dancing?
Darling Bell: No, I'm a gymnast, a gymnast. Watch me wheeeeeeel!
Lady Mishap: Did you see where she went?
Harmony of Hinterburne: I think she went down that hill.

Enter Slimly On An Erronos Errand

Lord Slimly: Has anyone seen Rupert?
Darling Bell: Rupert the Bear?
Lord Slimly: No, Rupert, Mrs. Primsunday's dog. Its slipped the lead.
Lady Slush: I'm sure I would find himif were here. I'm quite alergic you know.
Lord Slimly: And I'm alergic to looking, but I said that I wold.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Take a seat then, you look shattered.
Lord Slimly: Thank you. I do feel like I've been in a long game of musical chairs.
Darling Bell: More like hide and seek!
Lord Slimly: Or hide because DON'T seek. Phew, I think I'm dying. I'm sure I would
die now if my stomach wasn't rumbling for a piece of cake. Mrs. Prim offered my
one in return for the dog. Little did I realise the rascal'd be so difficult to find.
Lady Mishap: You look as tho you've been thru hedge, weir and stream. Its so
unbecoming.
Lord Slimly: O, hi lovey. Thanks for yor concern.
Lady Mishap: I've a greater concern for Mrs. Prim's puppie. It can be quite cold of a
nite to be out in.
Lord Slimly: I think when last he was seen he was wearing a fur coat tho.
Darling Bell: O I would love to wear one of those, only my whistling students aren't
partial to them. They're very particular on animal affairs.
Harmony of Hinterburne: How are they on women's rites?
Darling Bell: They're very good indeed. I have the rite to have myself whistled to.
Lady Slush: I'd think that so sexist if I didn't wish that wold happed to me.
Lady Mishap: Well, I don't need that. I have my man rite here, if he hasn't already
expired.
Darling Bell: You mean you haven't been checking on him?
Lady Mishap: I was listening to the sparkling conversation! My man hasn't currently
the breath for that.
Lord Slimly: Oh, fiddlesticks.                  

Enter A Meeting Of Two Ladies And A Distinguished

Harmony of Hinterburne: I'm not in love with a rugged rower. I prefer a smooth
cyclist anyday.
Lady Gently: Its strange the types we go for.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Only we can't always make those go for us.
Lady Slush: I'd end up with an athlete from the poetry Olympics.
Lady Gently: I know. I went out with a spotsman once. He played chess.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Realy? What was his sport?
Lady Gently: Chess! Apparently.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Well, he must have had very athletic fingers.
Lady Slush: I do too. I'm always twiddling my fingers with nothing to do.
Lady Gently: I always wondered what you did, Lady Slush.
Lady Slush: I spend half the day putting on weit and the other half walking it off,
or walking off half of it...Oh, I have recently branched into croquet.
Harmony of Hinterburne: We realy should form a team to take on the men.
Lady Slush: But there's only two men who ever come here.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Exactly, we'd win.
Lady Gently: I've just invested in a polo pony.
Lady Slush: They have such short tails.
Lady Gently: They don't realy. They're just plaited like that. Its more athletic.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Have you met Gustav Flewberry yet? I hear he rules
the polo field.
Lady Gently: I did date him once, but he was more interested in his ride. I went
as far as having a ponytail but it didn't work.
Lady Slush: We're still fillies in the flushness of our first youth. We shouldn't be
rushing in.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Last week you said you felt like an old maid!
Lady Gently: What was that? Old mare?
Lady Slush: No, but now I realise I'm only as old as the people I surround myself
with.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Its true, Lady Slush, I am a full two months younger
than you. It makes me feel young myself, knowing that you're so old.
Lady Gently: I have the experience of being even older, but I let your lack of
maturity rub off on me for the better.
Lady Slush: My, my, we're all so perfect.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Yes, where are the men?

Enter Lady Gently And Lord Slimly With The Latter More Dandified

Lord Slimly: No luck. Not a ticket in site.
Lady Gently: For the Olympics?
Lord Slimly: No, the Marmalade Festival. Its a select affair of Mrs. Primsundays. I
specificaly told her I prefered marmalade instead of jam but the invite has simply
slipped her mind.
Lady Gently: Perhaps its a ladies only event.
Lord Slimly: If that were so there'd be barely a convention I could go to?
Lady Gently: Realy?
Lord Slimly: Yes, if I weren't an aristocrat I could only think of working as a flower
arranger in a florist. Instead I cultivate a green carnation in my buttonhole and
arrange it at a jaunty slant. It expresses my personality in such a way.
Lady Gently: Never let anyone tell you you're not a real man then. Anyone should
know you're a GENTLEman.
Lord Slimly: Thank you.
Lady Gently: Yes, its a credit to you, even if it is what most women aren't looking for.
Lord Slimly: Lady Mishap says she adores my effeminite side.
Lady Gently: Yes, she does, and she loves even more the fact that it makes you safe
with her.
Lord Slimly: You mean like that painting in a gallery that will not sell?
Lady Gently: She sees it more like a priceless antique above the coarseness of economic
transaction.
Lord Slimly: My word, she has been economical with expressing to me her feelings!
Lady Gently: Well, she leaves room for improvement then.
Lord Slimly: Yes, like speed of a tortoise to a cheetah! No wonder she doesn't wish to
go too fast with the wedding.
Lady Gently: Yes, she does seem to be making everything with her own bare hands.
Lord Slimly: She said it was down to the diminishing millions, but now I'm not so
sure.
Lady Gently: Well, BE sure. Be a man.
Lord Slimly: Yes, yes, I can see that now. How to re-establish my manhood. Now, let
me see what's to do? I,m tying a flower into my dress whilst my love gets a wedding
together using her own bare hands. Hmmm...I could challenge Tricky Jamsunday to
a row down the river. He's quite pot-bellied so I'd fancy my chances.
Lady Gently: Just as long as you don't challenge his sister Gudrun. She's as tuff as
church shoes.
Lord Slimly: You don't think I mite be able beat her?
Lady Gently: Lady Mishap mite.
Lord Slimly: We'll have a mixed doubles event then.
Lady Gently: With Lord and Lady rowing?
Lord Slimly: No, I'll be coxing. I'll show my masterfulness by shouting out directions
with hi-hysteria!
Lady Gently: Sounds positively butch.
Lord Slimly: Yes, yes..does it realy?  

Enter Slimly About To Romp And Romper Fatuously Slimmer

Lord Slimly: Sometimes I feel as tho I was in a play.
Lord Romper (The Romper): I know I feel PLAYED at times.
Lord Slimly: It depends who one is playing as to whether this is pleasurable or not.
Lord Romper (The Romper): As long as I can still romp about nothing matters.
Lord Slimly: Being a soon to be married man, freedom is a forein concept to me now.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Yor romping days are well and truly past you. You can
watch me romp instead.
Lord Slimly: Just make sure the background isn't breakable.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Well I won't be launching myself within range of any
objet d'art!
Lord Slimly: I'll say Hallelujah to that!
Lord Romper (The Romper): I dare say you will.
Lord Slimly: I just did.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Yo're ahead of yorself then. Maybe yo've still got time
to breathe before yor nuptials take place.
Lord Slimly: I'm saving up breaths like a deep sea diver does.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Well you are entering deep water, my dear chap.
Lord Slimly: I'm thinking I'd like to free dive.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Well, come romping then with me just for one last time.
Lord Slimly: I'd rather ramble. I'm more a skirting round the edges kind of person.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Well, I'll break thru and you can pick up the pieces.
Lord Slimly: Who's set are we to invade then?
Lord Romper (The Romper): Tippy Gorgeous's. She's often invited me. Its time I
placed my card where it can't be missed.
Lord Slimly: I do hope we'll be delicate. I would rather be Lord Slimly than Lord Slimy.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Just watch me flirt. You know its my favorite sport.
Lord Slimly: Yes, and you keep coming back despite all the knockbacks.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Well, get in the grey ghost then!
Lord Slimly: Isn't it a silver ghost?
Lord Romper (The Romper): It was, but it had a little altercation with a chalk wagon.
Lord Slimly: Romped out of that one did you.
Lord Romper (The Romper): Not realy. It was coming from the tennis. The driver had
me game set and match!

Enter Lady Mishap And Her American Aquaintance

Lady Mishap: Yes, I hear you're one of my new neibors.
Pamela Prince: Just 10 miles away, indeed.
Lady Mishap: Just beyond Coolclouds?
Pamela Prince: Yes, with Mrs Primsunday on the other side, within yelling range if I wasn't
such a lady.
Lady Mishap: You're a credit to your American nation.
Pamela Prince: I do hope so. Milly Theale and Isabel Archer are my greatest role models.
Lady Mishap: Oh, I know the books well and, even better, I've not seen the films.
Pamela Prince: I'm trying to get Art to be more like Henry James.
Lady Mishap: You mean a hundred and seventy?
Pamela Prince: No, more complimentary to me in words of more than one syllable.
Lady Mishap: Doesn't he have a poetic flourish?
Pamela Prince: Only in economic terms from working at the bank. He says we're in a fiscal
union.
Lady Mishap: I can't say I know if that's good or bad.
Pamela Prince: He says we're prudent at a pinch.
Lady Mishap: Now he sounds like he's getting downrite saucy.
Pamela Prince: Not at all.
Lady Mishap: Never?
Pamela Prince: Well obviosly not never.
Lady Mishap: Ever?
Pamela Prince: O.K. Never, but he is married to his work.
Lady Mishap: I do hope my intended will be married to me.
Pamela Prince; I think he can afford to be can't he?
Lady Mishap: He does own half of Berkshire.
Pamela Prince; Well, there you go.
Lady Mishap: But the half owing debts to the other half.
Pamela Prince: I shold get Art onto it. He's good with numbers.
Lady Mishap: So's my lord, but at spending them!  

Enter Lord Slimly In Athletic Pose

Lord Slimly: Games day today! I bags the croquet lawn.
Lady Slush: Oh, Lord Linseed-Oil plays polo, and not just the water kind.
Lord Slimly: I'm more for exercise of a more gentlemanly persuasion.
Lady Slush: And I, the ladylike, likewise.
Lord Slimly: So you still find me manly?
Lady Slush: Hardly.
Lord Slimly: Oh.
Lady Slush: However.
Lord Slimly: Oh?
Lady Slush: As the hardest man I usualy come across is my spongy-stuffed teddy bear I
can say you're comparatively butch.
Lord Slimly: I'm honored as such, I say; toy bears as so tough to see out a hundred seasons.
Lady Slush: I know. The bravest thing I do is ignoring the Norton warnings on my internet.
Lord Slimly: Oh, you're into the inter-vest kind of thing are you?
Lady Slush: Well, I do bemoan the demise of the telegram, but I WAS intrigued by the
mention of 'wireless'. That brout back memories of Lady Hush-Slush tapping away at
Ukelele Bertie, one of my earliest memories as a child.
Lord Slimly: Childhood memories are charming. Mine go rite the way up to yesterday.
Lady Slush: Yes, you're infinitely young.
Lord Slimly: Its the best way to be, especialy when one is ageing so.
Lady Slush: So the croquet. Are we playing singles or can we drag another couple of
bodies along with us?
Lord Slimly: I don't know. The Usuals are away and Lady Mishap is wrapped up in Tule.
Lady Slush: Ticky Humsummeny said to call sometime. We could drop in on her in the
next Manor.
Lord Slimly: She's the advantage of residing near to the Billios Brothers. Parsomeny is
my number one choice but if he's out, either physicaly or thru drink, there's always
Saffyfargus and Vradylarly. Their grandfather was a Czechoslovakian Duke you know.
Lady Slush: No, I didn't. We'll have to discuss it if the croquet's called off.
Lord Slimly: Oh, I do love whacking a ball at one miles per hour. It makes me feel so
masterful.
Lady Slush: I'm quite quaking standing next to you.
Lord Slimly: Realy? I just thout you were tipsy.
Lady Slush: I haven't drunk a drop since I saw you coming. You know you always drive
me to brandy.
Lord Slimly: What can I say? I must be manly after all.  

Enter Lord Slimly Into A Less Than Funny Mood

Lord Slimly; I'm not feeling in a funny mood at all today.
Darling Bell: You mean you ARE in a funny mood then.
Lord Slimly: Yes, I suppose, jocular being my normal.
Darling Bell: It'll be good to have a rest.
Lord Slimly: For me?
Darling Bell: And for the rest of us as well.
Lord Slimly: Oh.
Darling Bell: Yes, now we can talk about sensible things, like my beauty.
Lord Slimly: Well, it is unparralelled. Only equaled by yourself yesterday.
Darling Bell: Oh, aren't I improving?
Lord Slimly: Oh, I'd say so!
Darling Bell: Why didn't you then?
Lord Slimly: I don't know.
Darling Bell: You're very funny when you're not funny.
Lord Slimly: Yes, maybe I should see a doctor.
Darling Bell: He'd diagnose you as having a pulled funny bone.
Lord Slimly: A humoros?
Darling Bell: No, he's not funny at all. Now compliment me further.
Lord Slimly: Oh, you're beauty can go no further...in the known world.
Darling Bell: I hope I'm more out of this world than alien species.
Lord Slimly: To most your beauty is an alien species.
Darling Bell: I need you to review me more often. It makes me blush and I look prettier.
Lord Slimly: It has been noticed.
Darling Bell: Its not easy tho. I have few female friends.
Lord Slimly: What with turning all the men down in the county I can see that that's a problem.
Darling Bell: Yes, most of the women who don't like me are their former girlfriends.
Lord Slimly: Well, you're a useful ore then, testing the metal of relationships.
Darling Bell: Yes, I furnace into finery don't I.
Lord Slimly: Yes, like pulverised iron.
Darling Bell: Pig iron.
Lord Slimly: Yes, most of the pulverised are pigs after all.
Darling Bell: O don't say that!
Lord Slimly: It was an observation, not a criticism. Ask Mrs. Primsunday. Her cakes have
cultivated many a bride for the gentleman who's preferance is to plump for er, someone..
Darling Bell: On the plump side?
Lord Slimly: You said it.
Darling Bell: Is Lady Slush such a one?
Lord Slimly: No, she just loves cakes.  
   

Enter Darling Harmoniosness

Darling Bell: I now regret turning down my 147 marriage proposals now I'm
seeing Lady Mishap getting married.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Yes, she is rather taking many months to do so.
Darling Bell: She's leaving no detail unchecked.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Only she mite forget to check her groom is still
waiting for her when all the preparations are over.
Darling Bell: Yes, when will the preparations be over?
Harmony of Hinterburne: O long after the wedding's over. I think she has a
timetable for the rest of her life.
Darling Bell: I do hope she's penciled in a space for a possible armageddon.
It'd be a shame for all those plans to be disrupted too much.
Harmony of Hinterburne: She's no devotee to Nostradamus.
Darling Bell: Yes, according to his predictions I hear the world's to end in
just three days.
Harmony of Hinterburne: That's a long time for it to take.
Darling Bell: No, three days time.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Oh, I'd better pack them. Do you think they take
portmanteaus onto spaceships?
Darling Bell: I guess we'll have to see.
Harmony of Hinterburne: No one knows the time of the end they say.
Darling Bell: And yet they do say we're in the endtime at the moment.
Harmony of Hinterburne: What we need to do is to get 1000 and 86 people
and get them to predict a different date for the time of the end in the next 3
years.
Darling Bell: And what would that do?
Harmony of Hinterburne: Well, there would be one date left unchosen, so that
would be the time of the end that nobody knows.
Darling Bell: Good thinking. Now where do we get all those people from?
Harmony of Hinterburne: From the list of yor admirers would be a good start.
Darling Bell: Let me look in my book......Oh, yes, I have 1000 and 83. We can
fill in the rest with 3 of yor admirers.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Er, yes.......No, come to think of it I have only a
select amount of folowers.
Darling Bell: Realy? Namely who?
Harmony of Hinterburne: Namely myself.
Darling Bell: Oh, well, and there's me.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Maybe I could get Lord Slimly to break up with
Lady Mishap to make up the numbers.
Darling Bell: Well, that is bound to happen anyway.
Lady Mishap: Realy? I wasn't aware that was one of the things she was preparing for.    

Enter Lord Slimly Exiting Apparently

Lord Slimly: I feel like doing nothing today, Burnett.
Butler Burnett: O you're here. Lord Slimly!
Lord Slimly: Yes, I've been here an hour, but thank you for announcing my departure.
Butler Burnett: Anything planned?
Lord Slimly: I was just saying I don't plan on doing anything.
Butler Burnett: No change then, Sire.
Lord Slimly: Yes, you're very observant.
Butler Burnett: Tacky Jicksands is having a 'hoot-a'-noon' down at Hardjelly Hall. I'm sure
he'd be glad of another kickster turning up.
Lord Slimly: Sounds tempting, but I think I need to dust down my chess set.
Butler Burnett: Darling Bell and Tilly Toosday are currently playing draughts at the top of
Slopey Lawn.
Lord Slimly: That's quite e precipice. Are they touting it for an Olympic Sport?
Butler Burnett: Think Darling's outing Tilly's intelligence. Lady Toosday's been in sudden
shock ever since getting her Elocution paper marked with a rather rude Fail.
Lord Slimly: If we never fail we never learn to win. I myself like to fail constantly to give
me something to improve upon. Its surprising how we pick up compliments like rosettes,
us recovering failures.
Butler Burnett: Harmony of Hinterburne!
Lord Slimly: O is Harmony leaving? Think I'll leave with her. I haven't complimented her
all day.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Ah, Lord Slimly. Doing any today?
Lord Slimly: Positively nothing.
Harmony of Hinterburne: O you should come and do nothing with me then. I'm realy very
good at it.
Lord Slimly: I don't dout it! You're very experienced.
Harmony of Hinterburne: Can you DO nothing? Isn't that oxymoronic?
Lord Slimly: No, that's just Burnett. But we love him for it.

Enter Two In Need Of One's Conversation

Lady Slush: I've been looking forward to having such a good talk with you.
Flaxlawna: Realy? What did you want to talk about?
Lady Slush: I have no idea.
Flaxlawna: I'm used to having no ideas inside my head. I need marriage to rescue me from
a life of empty headedness.
Lady Slush: Its usualy those I corner on my quest for marriage who get rescued in my world.
Flaxlawna: Interesting. I, myself, have made such an industry of idleness.
Lady Slush: Its a wonder you stay so slim.
Flaxlawna: O I ride out a lot, tho I let the horse do the most work you know.
Lady Slush: Naturaly I do. I've been horsing around after men since I was just a spring fillie.
Flaxlawna: They're not the be all an end all you know.
Lady Slush: I know.
Flaxlawna: Altho with the dream of marriage it often is the case of being it all or ending it
all.
Lady Slush: I feel as tho I've been ending it all for years.
Flaxlawna: Realy? You're so prettily plump. You need a man who sees that.
Lady Slush: O I fear these days he sees too much.
Flaxlawna: Haven't you been to weit watchers?
Lady Slush: I think I dined out on that idea once too often. I thout that every time one eat
something slimming one would lose weit.
Flaxlawna: So what was the result?
Lady Slush: I put on a stone in six months.
Flaxlawna: The fat cats at the food factory would have been pleased tho.
Lady Slush: Yes..We've had such a good talk seeing that we haven't anything to talk about.
Flaxlawna: Instead of doing the talking, BE the thing to be talked about.
Lady Slush: Who said that?
Flaxlawna: Me just now.    

Enter Flaxlawna And Lady Mishap Folowed By The Subject Of Marriage

Flaxlawna: Yes, thank you, Jean Pierre my artist friend brout me back. I'm sorry I went
missing for a while before we'd hardly met.
Lady Mishap: Not at all, you needed to stretch yor legs after yor long jorney, even if
it was three miles.
Flaxlawna: But now.
Lady Mishap: Yes, now, you'll have to meet everyone here.
Flaxlawna: O I had a talk with one already. Didn't catch his name, but you'd like him,
you'd have a lot in common as he's engaged to be married like you.
Lady Mishap: That's quite the coincidence. The Romper hasn't roped in someone has he?
Flaxlawna: O but come to think of it he wasn't like you at all. He was hating the engagement
whilst you were positively loving it.
Lady Mishap: You gleamed that from my glowing impression no doubt. My intended, Lord
Slimly, always compliments me on it. I'm so glad HE'S not like the man you met.
Flaxlawna: O I do wish I could meet your intended. He sounds like such an agreeable chap.
Lady Mishap: Yes, quite.
Flaxlawna: It seems so romantic here, within these halls.
Lady Mishap: You don't have large halls back home?
Flaxlawna: We do but they're rather overcrowded at the moment by aliens.
Lady Mishap: Ah, yes, the aliens. I've not had aliens over for afternoon tea yet. I must make
a space in my diary.
Flaxlawna: They're very quite agreeable.
Lady Mishap: I don't dout it. If one could stop them taking over the world I'm sure they'd be
perfect pleasant company.
Flaxlawna: They may desire grapefruit juice for afternoon tea however.
Lady Mishap: O that wouldn't be the done thing at all. It seems that there are some such things
as manners that earthlings are superior in even towards superanimated beings.
Flaxlawna: Their being always in outer space always leaves them open to earthling flaws.
Lady Mishap: They are alien to our customs after all.
Flaxlawna: Like how this mystery gentleman I've met seems alien to the ways of marriage.
Lady Mishap: O dear, I don't think I wish him to be visiting my place at all. I don't want
him to be putting ideas into my Lord Slimly's mind.
Flaxlawna: Ar, Lord Slimly sounds like such a lovely gentleman unlike the disagreeable
deserter who I met.
Lady Mishap: Yes, the analogy is good. Marriage can be like a war and, tho we should
always hold fire, there is also no shirking from one's duty of putting oneself in the firing
line.
Flaxlawna: You're so regimented. I can quite see how no man could ever refuse you.
Lady Mishap: Thank you; only point this man stepping out of matrimonial line out for me.
I should like him to face up to his opposite, namely my Lord Slimly. I should think the
comparrison should offer him some persuadeable advice.
Flaxlawna: In order for him to love marriage you mean?
Lady Mishap: O no, nobody ever does that! Merely, I mean, to fall under its spell.
Flaxlawna: You're such a word wizard! 

Enter Slimly Charged With Offence

Lord Slimly: As I've said to you already, she was merely having a fainting fit.
Lady Mishap: Yes, I know you've said but what I would like to know is exactly
what you did say to her to make her faint so well.
Lord Slimly: I don't know. I don't know what effect I have on people. Sometimes I
don't remember what I've said even when I'm saying it.
Lady Mishap: Sadly I can believe everything you say. I know you all too well.
Lord Slimly: But do say you'll still have me. I do so desperately need someone to
have me if only to keep me in check.
Lady Mishap: You put it so romanticaly. Yes, the wedding is still well and truly on
even if the groom IS a little off.
Lord Slimly: I should have a best before date stuck on me stating when I'm to be
snapped up.
Lady Mishap: Don't worry, I'll extend your running life a little longer, I've plenty of
plans for you and I to undertake together.
Lord Slimly: Undertake? Sounds ominos.
Lady Mishap: No pleasurable pursuits. You do like climbing don't you?
Lord Slimly: I like to climb the social ladder, tho I don't feel I could go much further.
Lady Mishap: I'm talking about Ben Nevis.
Lord Slimly: I don't believe I've met him. Is he in the House of Commons?
Lady Mishap: Stands over you like a colossus anyway.
Butler Burnett: Darling...!
Lord Slimly: Not by my invitation.
Lady Mishap: No mine. I invited her.
Butler Burnett: Bell!
Darling Bell: You're speeding up, Burnett.
Butler Burnett: Thank you. I'm currently under elocution lessons.
Darling Bell: That's nice. Lady Mishap?
Lady Mishap: Now, Bell. I wanted to know if it wasn't something in my house that
caused the fainting fit. I do scrimp and save on the air conditioning to save the Old
Masters, their being unaccustomed to the lite of day.
Darling Bell: O dear no, it was one of the sort. I fear I had been dancing myself to
distraction all morning. Chumley Lawnly had set out a Pimms and Jazz on the grounds
of Whiff Manor and I'd been jiving and what-not all morning before I came here.
Lord Slimly: Sounds like the mystery is solved then. Call off the detective.
Lady Mishap: Yes, it is. I should have known my man couldn't have reduced an
admirer to a fainting fit.
Darling Bell: Realy?
Lord Slimly: How so?
Lady Mishap: Because he never did so to me and I like him best of all.
Darling Bell: Ah, bless.
Lord Slimly: Yes, thank you for LIKEing me SO much.        

Enter Slimly Pursued By Rain

Lord Slimly: Brrrrr. English Summer rain.
Butler Burnett: Just awful sir.
Lord Slimly; Yes, I wouldn't have it any other way. Ah, Darling Bell I haven't told you
how lovely you look today.
Darling Bell: I know, you've been strangely lacking.
Lord Slimly: Its the perils of being an engaged man. It rather gets one's tongue.
Darling Bell: That I don't believe, with you at least.
Lord Slimly: Well, Lady Mishap does give me the rap sometimes.
Darling Bell: With some justification, I'm sure.
Lord Slimly: It isn't my fault that she won't allow me to compliment her. I have to guess when
she's sad when she's looks happy and know when I'm to be happy when I'm so sad.
Darling Bell: That's relationships for you.
Lord Slimly: Yes, I don't think I'm on good terms with my relations yet.
Darling Bell: Ahhh, this is all so interesting. Pour me some of the clear stuff with even more ice.
Lord Slimly: Yes, you rest on the couch with your precios headband on. Carrying that feather
in your hair must wear you so.
Darling Bell: I fear the onslaught of a headache. Escort me to the yelow divan.
Lord Slimly: Yes, that is more luxuriosly restful.
Darling Bell: Do you think Lady Mishap will mind, you rescuing a damsel in distress?
Lord Slimly: Just as long as you don't faint on me. I'm merely man, not muscular.
Butler Burnett: Would you like a hand dear lady?
Darling Bell: Well, yes, now that I'm regretting all those hands I turned down in marriage.
Butler Burnett: Allow me to bring to you an occasional chair.
Lord Slimly: And I'll bring the occasional table. Better still, lets swap, it is rather heavy.
Darling Bell: In the presence of two such strong men, small wonder I'm fainting.
Lord Slimly: I have that effect, but usualy in frite.
Darling Bell: Escort me to the utopia of soft furnishings. You can gabble on about yorself
later.
Butler Burnett; Lady..!
Lord Slimly: Slush?
Darling Bell: Sludge?
Butler Burnett: No, Mishap!
Darling Bell: What a mishap.
Lord Slimly: And I with another Lady in my arms! 

Enter Not Lord Slimly Yet

Lord Lazy: Yawn. Where's Slimly got to? We can't disappoint the P.M. He's
expecting a rebelion.
Lord Strawberry: I should think Slimly's on his way Olympian-like if I know HIM. As
for Spencer Pigeon, he'll be needing a new cabinet by the time we've finished and not
just for drinks.
Lord Lazy: What shall we do in Slimly's absence then?
Lord Strawberry: Oh, there's NO END to thing's WE'LL do?
Lord Lazy: Such as?
Lord Strawberry: Lord Posthumos?
Lord Posthumos: Why not ask Lord Raspberry? I was just having a snooze.
Lord Raspberry: There is the fruit cocktail trifle question to be resolved.
Lord Strawberry: Yes, those infernal brussel sprouts say we're only to have Strawberry and
raspberry trifles from now on. And who wants strawberry and raspberry?
Lord Raspberry: Yes, quite. Apparently the fruit cocktail doesn't include an actual cock's tail
Lord Strawberry: That must be since they made it vegetarian.
Lord Rasberry: Apparently, its false advertising or something.
Lord Posthumos: Advertising is becoming adverse they say.
Lord Strawberry: O you're back from the land of Nod are you?
Lord Raspberry: No, he's just lapsed again.
Lord Slimly: Whatto! Hope I didn't wake you.
Lord Strawberry: We were only trifling over something.
Lord Slimly: Sounds enthralling, but what about the starving millions?
Lord Raspberry: You mean the starving millionaires?
Lord Slimly: Yes, that's what I said.
Lord Strawberry: I've been working on that. I have a contact Lord Destitute who's had
dealings with the squat. The Old Buckwheat Barn. We've put in an offer to save it for
the needy in return for what we need.
Lord Slimly: Good thinking. Its the P.M's daughter Matilda's pet project. She and so he will
be thrilled.
Lord Lazy: Is the rebelion over then?!
Lord Slimly: O didn't see you there, Lazy, yes, indeed, until next time.
Lord Raspberry: What is on the cards for next time?
Lord Strawberry: There's the question of the Angel Delite.
Lord Slimly: The deliteful cream topping? The bed for the hundreds and thousands.
Lord Strawberry: Yes, the President has put forward a notion to rename it Agnostic Delite
or even Atheist Delite.
Lord Slimly: O they don't make presidents like they used to. We'll have to petition Old
Pigeon to put it to him on his Peace stroke War conference.
Lord Raspberry: How will we apply the pressure?
Lord Slimly: Just keep Lord Lazy and Lord Posthumos awake for one: We'll need all the
votes we can get.     

Enter A Latent Slimly As Inert As A Gas

Lord Slimly: Yes, Burnett, I think I'm expected. I think I'm part of the furniture by now.
Butler Burnett: As you wish, sire, I won't announce you.
Lord Slimly: You never do, barring a snail, before one arrives.
Butler Burnett: Its one of my idiosynchracies.
Lord Slimly: Idio something, quite.
Flaxlawna: I'm sure he does his best, poor chap.
Lord Slimly: Excuse me, are you a visitor or just an intruder? If you're a burgler I have a pocket
watch here I might want taking. I have to have it on me at all times since it was given by a dying
aunt who won't stop dying. Infernal thing. Won't stop ticking, rather like her.
Flaxlawna: You're quite disagreeable or rather funny. I can't realy decide.
Lord Slimly: Oh, I'm sure I'm laughably horrendos. I make a profession out of it.
Flaxlawna: Oh, you work?
Lord Slimly: At not working, yes.
Flaxlawna: Me too. My work's marriage.
Lord Slimly: Oh, don't rush into it too quickly. You're not engaged are you?
Flaxlawna: No, I'm like the old telegram machine. Unengaged.
Lord Slimly: Well, I am engaged in something all consuming and I think they call it marriage.
I feel rather like a bluebottle trapped....
Flaxlawna: In a blue bottle?
Lord Slimly: Quite.
Flaxlawna: Are you married then already?
Lord Slimly: Engaged, like the divorce court phone.
Flaxlawna: You seem quite prepared......for the worst.
Lord Slimly: I say! We're getting awfuly familiar for two people who don't know each other's
name.
Flaxlawna: Yes, mine's...
Lord Slimly: Is that the time?! Do tell Burnett I've had to cancel will you? I've a pressing
appointment with Lord Strawberry. Must dash..er, didn't catch your name..I'll call you girlygirl.
Flaxlawna: This place is certainly something else. I think things were less strange on the
spaceship. Hmm there's a piano. Must get some practice in if Bootsie's starting up the Electrified
Aliens. Posy's songs will have to improve tho. I like her one about the Snow Roses. Think I can
try out a tune to that one. Wonder what Ask Whitebootsi would advise me in this situation. At
least get to know people's names I should think.